Hi. I’m no longer posting here for the time being. If you’re interested in keeping up with my poetry, playlists, and weekly recommendations (Sunday Scaries)…please check out my new website.
K, thanks. Love you.
XO
-Sofolo
Hi. I’m no longer posting here for the time being. If you’re interested in keeping up with my poetry, playlists, and weekly recommendations (Sunday Scaries)…please check out my new website.
K, thanks. Love you.
XO
-Sofolo
Visions of Gideon
Bite your heels
As you flee
This is the mystery
Of love
A retreat
My name in
Your throat
A futile device
On repeat
Or so he said
The god of my youth
Was a haughty friend
Let your sorrow pool into
The gaping wounds
Of my stigmata
He proclaimed
What was left
Was nothing more
Than a watered-down
Bloodstain
Yet I sustained
Another two decades of fears
And while no longer friends
I attempt amends
Recollecting my tears
To ink the story
Of my years
The wind from the
Cracked window
Is crisp
As it shivers
Along my
Eyelashes
Then
My lip
This boreal dance
Awakens me
Every morning
Until early spring
As one who hates
The sweat of summer
These brisk mornings
Are my everything
And when winter is birthed
The widow’s crack
It narrows
But never closes
I crave the frozen air
It blossoms something
In me
Like eleven dozen
Fresh roses
Your ivory
Was devouring
First as a smirk
Then a ploy
Grazing a nape
I was your boy
“When will I
See you again?”
You said
“C’mon over”
I replied
So you made the drive
We were lovers
s o m e t i m e s
A birthday card
Now gathering dust
In a bin
I often think
Of what could
Have been
To have your teeth
Grasping my
Whole being
And your
Primal scent
In my nose
Lingering
“When will I
See you again?”
. . . I wonder . . .
Knowing the answer
Is never will we be
More than a secret
Every bead of sweat
Locked up in memory
Safe from your faith
Safe from your family
Which makes me
Sigh
And cry
And die
A little inside
This is purgatory
Your purple satin
Slipped through
My fingers like the
Sands of time
s e v e n
years
since
you
disappeared
And still a part of you
Is always on my mind
تذكرني
Talcum powder
And water
And a few
Other things
Something pink
Smoothed onto
My innocent cheek
Like a mask
Fancy
The sneaking
Into your closet
The blouse
Falling off my shoulder
High-heeled stumble
I’ll understand this
When I’m older
The curiosity
Testing borders
Pushing limits
It’s always been
In me
This glimmering
Faggotry
Don’t make those eyes
I’d sooner carve
Out my own
Than let yours
Meet mine
Don’t smile
I’d rather
Disappear
Completely
Than curl
My lips
Don’t think
I didn’t notice
Your hips
As I drift away
Don’t think of me
Like I think of you
It’s all tarnished now
There’s nothing
I can do
The owl outside my window
Doesn’t hoot
He screams
Which sends me running
No, tiptoeing
Through dark rooms
Until
Into your doorframe
I lean
Father is snoring loudly
I shan’t wake him
Instead I silently
Crouch then crawl
To your side
Sweet mother
Your sleeping breath
I observe
Then my finger
Softly taps
Your slumbering arm
As you
Wake gently
To shield me
From harm
Your kind eyes open
And quietly
Slip out of bed
To lovingly take my hand
As we walk
Through dark places
Until
Resting my head
Upon the pillow
You hush the owl’s bellow
Curled up by my side
To cradle and comfort
Panic retreats as
You usher in
Peaceful sleeps
This selfless act
Is repeated
For years
Through every dark room
You guided me
And erased my fear
I see this now
And eternally
Feel you near
Autumn leaves burning
In the backyard
The scent accented
By a nearby
Lilac tree
What a weird thing
Memory
Like the shack
Closed door
Dusty sneakers
On the floor
Exploring bodies
And fantasies
Galore
Don’t let the hinge bend
Keep it shut
If they don’t see
It didn’t happen
I mean…
We’re only friends
I’m sorry I was late
But you waited patiently
Then stood tall
In your black leather jacket
I was enamored and
Felt myself
Just a little bit
Fall
Into your grasp
Against the side
Of my car
You raised me
Until my neck
Craned over
The luggage rack
Then into the back
Seat we sprawled
Entwined like
Tasting notes
Of a fine wine
Your touch was
Divine
Your lips
Gracing my spine
You never responded
To my texts
I’m sorry I was late
La Grande Bellezza
Now forgotten
forever
This cabin smells damp
Tucked away in the timber
Backroaded
Secluded
Welcome to Deer Camp
It was wintertime
And we had to pee
Into a tube in the wall
PVC
I’m at that awkward age
Not lanky
But frumpy and weird
So hand me a rifle
For the slaughter
Of a creature I revered
Man, what we do
To make our fathers proud
My secret was
I hated guns
And loved boys
I really only went on this trip
Because I heard that John
Grilled some mean potatoes
Accented with caramelized
Onions and garlic
The rumors were true
The fire crackles
Against a sky
Of light blue
I watched these men
Bearded and loud
Would I ever be like them?
Did I want to be?
My quiet heart
Felt alien
A freak
I wasn’t a hunter
Instead I gathered
A harvest of me
Thoughts and emotions
Into a cauldron
Of poetry
But I kept that part
Hidden
Tucked away
For another day
The men in their
Camouflage attire
Yawn as the sun sets
I try to fit
Into the cabin
We retire
The lantern’s light
Flickers across
The walls of the room
Sam’s Club candy
For dessert
Distant thunder
Booms
It was bedtime
And a storm was rolling
In the atmosphere and in
My head full of fear
Can someone please
Get me out of here
I cried from my cot
“Please take me home”
My dad glared
What a disappointing
Drive that was
Have I ever not
Let you down?
I think
As blankly ahead
I stared
We pull into the driveway
Ignition turns off
Headlamps extinguish
He unlocks the door
By the light of the moon
I feel
Relief and anguish
Mom was annoyed
This was supposed to be
Her weekend alone
Grieving the death
Of her own mother
She hugs me
While wiping
A tear from her
Cheekbone
Steel Magnolias
And a box of Kleenex
I ruined that
You brought a fairy
To deer camp
What did you expect?
I stood over the sink
Scrubbing our negroni glasses
Wishing the ginger-scented soap
Would wash away the cancer
Because the chemo didn’t work
I was wearing eyeliner
When I first met you
We’d laugh about that later
Over a bottle of wine
And patatas bravas
We always had our weekends
Movie dates and inside jokes
We would guffaw at the
Fuckery of it all
My god your laugh
How it filled a room
I remember when you said
“I love you, Christopher…
because you just GET ME”
You expressed appreciation
For how I carved out time
For our friendship
I reminded you,
“I don’t carve out time for you,
I shove everything away while
screaming ‘I NEED MY HEIDI TIME!’”
Goddamnit.
I need my Heidi time
For years you were
The most consistent thing in my life
Always there for one another
We were each other’s touchstones
I realize this now more than ever
During my weekends spent alone
Wine tastes different now
Something’s missing
Going to the movies feels strange
It’s like the hero has
Left the frame
Remember when I smoked cigarettes?
You’d bum a drag as we crept
Through early evening traffic
On our way to get gelato
Or if we were feeling sassy
Maybe an affogato
I switched to vaping
When you went into hospice
Then back to menthols
When your spirit left this world
I’m addicted to our memories
More than the nicotine
They bang around my head
Like a song or a scent
Nostalgic
And
Lingering
You tattooed
“CEDENDO VINCES”
On your wrists
“By yielding, you will win”
My finger traced those words
While I held your hand
Last breaths
But what are deaths?
Transitions
Energy
Shifting
A spark
Returning
/ / /
Those letters live
On my wrists now
A reminder of her
The sister I never had
And sometimes
I still hear her laugh
One of my dearest friends (read: soulfriend) left this earth three years ago today This piece is in her memory I love you Heidi, my star
Same serpent
New skin
She hisses
A fantasy
As she slithers in
My vulnerability
A weakness
An opportunity to
Sell a dream
The bitter
Sheathed in sweetness
I swallowed the lie
And it tasted delicious
Like fresh mint
Crushed
Into a summer mojito
Cool and crisp
Now where do we go?
How about
Lake houses
And concerts
Front porches
And desserts
Then you can
Take me to the beach
Choke me in sand
Call me a king
While twisting me into
A pawn whose silver
You leach
No longer a friend
But a means to an
End
You held my grief
In the palm
Of your hand
Then squeezed it
Like a lime
What an unholy
Crime
The scales have tipped
Your ruse has been revealed
The well is poisoned
Your wine congealed
You are nothing
But a chapter
In my story
Watch as I
Flame your pages
In resplendent
Glory
And
Dermot sang of
A raven and a dove
But in your version
Of a kingdom
Both don’t fly free
Remember me,
Oh viper
The blackbird
With a cigarette lighter
Because
You’ve been flinted
Deleted
And I’m newly
Minted
Recoil from my shine
As the truth
Burns your eyes
I bid you goodnight
And I bid you goodbye
My memory of you
Like your ego
Will wither and fade
Along with
The skin you’ve shed
In the lonely bed
You’ve made
Oh Zion
Call me home
To the shores
Of carcasses
The smell of
Gasoline
Jet skis
Bobbing in the wake
Falling underwater
Let me stay here
For a spell
/ / /
Oh Lake Michigan
Pull me into your depths
Froth me into
Your waves
Rebirth me
Into a grain
Of sand
Left upon the
Place where
Your waters
Meet land
I breeze into the bar alone
Order a drink then
Waltz on my own
Four fated eyes
Fog machine
Collide
Seven blocks
Until home
Debauchery
On the dome
The fingering twist of
Pinkened papilla
Candled glow
Sandalwood
Vanilla
Your tongue the till
To my loam
I shrill
You blissed me
So sweet
Sugar stains
On my sheet
Your departure
While slippery
Is no less
A victory
The soft velour
Of a Grand Detour
Please don’t notice
My lingering gaze
It’s probably
Just a pubescent phase
But for a little money
You could help and
Join me
In hard candy
Warm tea
and
Raking Beulah’s leaves
I’m twelve
and you’re in
the living room
gasping.
I thought the
coffee pot
was percolating
but it was just your
last breath
death rattle
reverberating.
Your damage
wasn’t deleted
by the coroner’s
gurney leaving.
It bubbles up
in flashes
rapid fire
and
seething.
Dripping from
your body bag
retreating.
Echoing down
every hall
leading
toward a
semblance of
healing.
The finality
of your
lungs
evacuating.
Eroding
into the
beginning
of my digging.
Twenty-seven
years later
still
excavating.
Memory
a delicate
figurine.
Tumbling
into nothing.
The radio screeched
With impending doom
So we grabbed what we could
And bolted out of the room
Midnight rain
Like knives
Across my cheek became
As we race into the night
With a prayer and a
Plastic flashlight
A few hundred yards
And we’re at the edge
Of the ravine
Against my round belly
My wet clothes cling
Even in this moment
I feel dis…
Gusting wind pushing me
Hard into the ground
Mud in my teeth
Pulled back to my feet
By the leash of a hound
My mother’s hand
Guides me
Down a steep
Wooded ridge where
We grasp onto a tree
Knee-deep in water
With debris-riddled hair
She wants to protect me
But I’m mad at the world
This storm ain’t got shit on me
Eyes closed
Knuckles curled
I just want to exist
So I wrap my
Fists around
The throat of God
Call me an exorcist!
A thunderclap
Like a holy slap
Awakens me
From my rage
But my anger is righteous
And will not be assuaged
.
.
Silence for a moment, then
.
.
The air becomes strange
Wet and hot
I feel the chemicals change
In the atmosphere
And within my frame
Fingers of lightning
Pull me into the sky
I spit the mud from my mouth
With a glint in my eye
I’m above the tree line now
And I have no master
Crossing state lines
I am a natural disaster
Every attempt to contain me
Is laid to waste
Every missile fired through me
I consume in haste
Your fear is palpable
My tongue savors the taste
I
Am
The
Tornado
Ignore the warning
On the radio
Because there is
No shelter
My monsoon
Is at your gate
I will tear into your
Palaces of hate
The bones of your disgrace
Broken up like kindling
In my roaring fireplace
Death called your name, you said
Not from the periphery
But right here
Right now
And it requires bloodshed
Eyes glazing over
The tracks before you
Dreaming of being
Splayed
For the length of a mile
I laugh nervously
When you tell me
Because it was me
Your son
Who handed you the phone
“For death, press 1”
You’re at the crossing now
From the pedal
Your foot lifts
The train’s horn
Bellowing
As into its path
You drift
The brakeman screams
As your body disjoints
Your shame for me reduced
To scarlet exclamation points
A nearby sparrow
Witnesses the scene
“Sad”, she thinks
Hatchlings cozy
Underneath her wing
It’s a bit cruel
To pile your shit
On my shoulders
As if I were a mule
And it’s a bit wicked
To claim my
Unchangeable
Existence
As sin committed
The enigma of stigma
Is yours to explore
I slide you a key
I’ll be right here
On the other side of the door
A mouse creeps
Across the threshold
Seeing both sides
“Too bad”, he thinks
As he scurries by
You named me Christopher
After a boy killed
By a train
And now you say I’m to blame
Like an unfortunate stain
On the hem
Of our family’s pain
The truth is
I couldn’t keep living a lie
And I’m sorry, dad
I’m the reason you want to die
We met in kindergarten
Miss Wolfe’s class
Into an ear I whisper
A shy boy’s bargain
I knock on your door
Pray the dog
Doesn’t kill me
Seems like a metaphor
Laughter and chasing geese
Stealing glances
And prances in the woods
Sprained ankles in the creek
Your moon-drenched family room
And our primal need
Bodies glide
Into foreign feelings
I concede
We’re both shaving now
Not children
Yet not men
In between and fooling around
In my attic bedroom
Space Jam soundtrack
Hoping my mom doesn’t hear us
My hands on your back
Then moving down
Committing little sins
Shhhhhh
Don’t make a sound
Then the bed of my dad’s truck
Some hand stuff
Never a fuck
Never enough
You get up and leave
I want you to stay
I play the radio
97 ZOK
Meredith Brooks
And I hate the world today
Because I’m a bitch
But I like me this way
Fifteen and fevered
Down Mix Street
I rollerblade
Turn right on Worth
My love for you
Is such a sad parade
Remember when
We camped on the lawn
Quiet light and secrets
Then that wicked dawn
Dragging us back
Into a world
Where our desires
Don’t belong
We are strangers now
With a little bit of everything
All rolled into memory
Like a sacred vow
I’m your hell
I’m your dream
Do you remember anything?
I recall it all
Your tousled hair
And my forbidden grin
I think you live in Wisconsin
After years pass
there are
fragments
of memory
that scab up
The coagulation
Transmorphs
Into a siren
Luring me
To pick them open
like a lock
Just to call them
home
once more
The way he held me
How his eyes sparked
When met with mine
My god it threw me
Into a hope
Consuming
But hope is tricky
And slippery
And devouring reason
Committing treason
For a season
Then returning
In the yearning
Of the glance
From a new boy
From a new romance
Fuck.
Phases of the moon
Of the heart
A slivering slice of a crescent
The
Oh dear god
HOPE
Of a new start
LOL.
Just kidding
This new moon
And this new thing
Can’t be seen
In the dark of night
In my limited sight
Black-on-black
It’s all just the same shit
Right?
No way, baby!
Call it a maybe!
Call it a feather
In your hat
On your wing
Just fly into the horizon
Of the hope
Of this new thing
Until the arrow
Of the truth
Enters the marrow
Of your VIP booth
This is not cool
This is ruth…
Listen to me
You idiot
You fool
Remember boy one
Who held you
And flew too close to the sun
He burned you to ash
Then said “goodbye forever
I’m done”
Well, fuck me up
That was fun
Then boy two
Who shoved you
Into the abyss
Wait…I’d be remiss
Not to mention
All of that sexual tension
Simmering
Steaming
Boiling
And Gleaming
Like the rays of the moon
Is she full yet?
Nah, it’s too soon
She’s still hiding
In the newness
Of nothing
Of black-on-black
Call me out
I lack a back
Bone to hold up
Any more hope
It’s all rotting now
In bed all day
Jotting down
Memories as if they will save me
Wow.
Okay.
Less saving
Instead
Evaporate me
Into the ether
Into the sun
Into the moon
The end seems far away
So I’ll just bide time
In my cocoon
Dreaming of the day
When she will bloom
Into her fullness
Picturesque
Over the crescent
Of a dune
To be knelt in a shower
Watching crimson mix with water
Some good ol’ fashioned
Pain drain
Bloodletting
How delicious
What is it about a cleansing ritual
That brings
Soot to surface
It’s scar tissue
Meets fresh wounds
Amidst the carnage
A kernel of truth
Cartography
How scrumptious
What is it about toweling off
That removes
Less than we thought
It’s whispered words
Meets silent screams
All this chaos
What does it mean
Decryption
How cathartic
What is it about slipping into jeans
That tucks away the secrets
Folds up the mental maps
Slurps the blood from the floor
And masks us up
For the world to adore
///
“How was your weekend?”
( wait, what’s my line? )
Plasma
A flushed cheek
“Oh . . . it was fine”
*smiles*
Merely existing
How divine
///
You were a cerulean boy with ocean eyes
A heart as complicated as the tides are high
I brought you home to watch an angel on tv
The sun was rising…you didn’t leave
I was an emerald man
With a broken plan
Oz in my heart, silly I know
A little sad and not of the clearest mind
Enraptured by you
My hopes were misaligned
///
A few days went by…
Things seemed good
A record played
Blue Film
Pasta
Wine
Fingers through hair
An invite to Christmas
Your mom wanted to meet me
Imagine that
Seems a little funny now
I picked you up from the airport
We tried on a hundred pairs of glasses
Took a cute photo by the bathrooms
How foreign now
Sick days in bed
I held a cool cloth to your brow
Ran my hands down your wet back
The fever broke while you slept
You sang countless melodies
Fingers on the keys
While I lay on the carpet
Quietly recording
Then there was the nightly routine
Superstore and cuddles
Laughter and jalapeño hands
Damn
You kissed my neck
Asked if it was good
It was good
So you turned away
You kept pressing your body against mine
Only to turn away
Over
And over
Again
I would wait until you were asleep to cry
In the bathroom
In the closet
In the dark
My heart was breaking
My mind confused
You looked lost
I felt used
An arbitrary argument over brunch
You put the car in park
We sat in silence
It was a little dark
Suddenly we are ending things
My tears start flooding
You were far away
Emotionless
That still stings
///
Lies like waves crashing on the shore
You’re so comfortable spewing them
Mold on blueberry cheese
A spore
A Scruffy “random play”
A Grinding “top”
A fake ass alt-identity
Hiding behind a screen
Stop
You didn’t see my gold
You couldn’t
I wanted you to try
You wouldn’t
I wonder if you’ll ever
Pull back the curtain and find
Your
True
Self
I hope you do
You deserve that
To be magic (again)
In December, I’ll remember
You
Your cerulean eyes
And our demise
Oh mama I tried my best
Danced across the lawn
Oh mama I was not blessed
Heart sang until dawn
Your protector held me close
Casual conversation with a hand below
From open door she took off her clothes
Trust was broke—buried under snow
Like a sister only she was bruised
Another had tainted the shell
How could she have known
This was just another hell
In youth he was my friend
Held me to his chest
Innocent yet I felt shame
Was this more evil than incest
Oh how I thought I could pretend
Poetry on a doormat
Mama would that make you proud
If I were as tame as a house cat
I grew older and tried even harder
She smiled and I bowed
Oh my stars it was so strange
Lips silent while my soul was loud
Oh mama here am I
More me than I’ve ever been
Oh mama can you see
(Oh mama can’t you see)
I ignite the night like a firefly
Oh mama he broke my heart
Made me happy until I thought I’d break
(Made me happy, made me shake)
Oh mama he turned away
Love twisted like a snake
Oh mama I’m a monument
Chiseled by loss, painted in pain
Oh mama I love you so
I am onyx now—do not lament
Children, she is magic
She smirks with a spark
Children, she is a celestial body
A matriarch
Oh mama I tried my best
Well-taught by you
Oh mama I am blessed
Spell is broken
Truth is spoken
Life awoken
From the ground
Something springs up
Anew
(Rhythmically inspired by the song Nests by Keaton Henson)